THE PLAGUE OF OBJECTIFICATION AND MANIPULATION

"Women give to men the very gold of their lives. But they invariably want it back in such very small change."(O. Wilde)

The women of today may be professionals and wage earners but their self esteem has never been worse. They tolerate all the gender based criticism and stereotyping, because they are afraid of not finding that one thing they really need even with full knowledge, that deep down it will never change, I mean once a person goes through the hurt of betrayal the idea almost seems too foolish to think a man will change. The age of the woman is a big factor in this. If she is 40 and younger, she stays because she feels she cannot do better and she is probably right, there are a handful of woman on every corner waiting for an eligible man. If she is over 40 she has made peace with staying and most likely lives her life and he lives his. Not willing to start over only to most likely end up in the same boat again.

Emotional manipulation is rampantly feeding a plague in our country, a plague that defines women as mad, absurd, overly sensitive, and unbalanced. This outbreak helps stimulate the idea that even the slightest irritation can trigger a women’s rage of emotions. In the movie “Insiang” this was absolutely significant for the lives of the main characters because it basically evolved the whole plot and made it holistic. We should already be able to separate the correlating ideas of insensitive behavior and emotional manipulation, but even now the lines separating them remains unclear. So in order to thoroughly separate their clutches on eachother we need to find a word that isn’t normally seen in our vocabulary. This will be sufficed by a helpful word that I came across during research to identification of the stimulation of these ideas: gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a commonly used term by mental health professionals, to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off the pedestal that they’re off to the extremes. Based on further investigation on this term, it actually comes from a 1944 MGM film, called Gaslight. a Woman’s husband in the film, wants to get his hands on her trinkets. He reckons that the only way to get them is by having her certified as insane and admitted to a mental institution. To pull of his mission, he intentionally sets the gaslights in their home to flicker off and on, and every time the wife’s character reacts to it, he tells her she’s just seeing things. In this setting, a gaslighter is someone who presents false information to alter the victim’s perception of him or herself.

Today, when the term is used, it’s usually because the perpetrator says things like,  “I cheated on you because you made me feel incompetent and unloved”,  or maybe tell them that the other party seduced them and they are simply human they have their limits as well or even go to the extremes like “No one else will ever love you like I do,” to the victim. This is an intentional, intended form of gaslighting, much like the actions of the Husband’s character in Gaslight, where he makes sure to scare the wife into believing she has gone insane. The form of gaslighting I’m addressing is not always deliberate, which makes it alot worse, because it gives a lot of room  for us , especially women to be “deceived”.

Those who engage in gaslighting create a reaction—whether it’s anger, frustration, sadness. They trigger that part of the brain that releases the nerves of feeling lonely and having self-pity making them think that maybe it was their fault and basically making them ask for forgiveness about something that wasn’t even their fault to start with.  Altering their perceptions and ideas of themselves and the gaslighter, changing the roles and making the gaslighter the saint in the situation.

While gaslighting doesn’t affect all women, we should still recognize that an abundance of women do suffer from it and encounter it on a daily basis. Not all women affected are unsure of themselves either, even the vocal, secure and aggressive women are assailable.
Why, you may ask?

Because women pose to the burden of the men’s psychosis. We can all admit that it is more basic for us to place our emotional baggage’s on the shoulders of wives, female friends, girlfriends and female colleagues, saying they are more understanding, caring, compassionate and whatever else word you may point through, but we all know it’s basically because it’s just not right for us to impose them on the shoulders of men.
Come on, It is a whole lot easier to emotionally manipulate someone who has been conditioned by our society to accept it. We continue to burden women because they think they have to carry it for us whether they are aware or not. Whether gaslighting is conscious or not, it produces the same result: it renders some women emotionally mute.

It is already no small wonder women become passive aggressive when expressing themselves. These women tend to dismiss any hurtful comments or actions done to them and are unable to express that it is hurtful to them because they have been subjected to so much gaslighting. For example, a woman’s husband may be over critical of her and as such hurt her feelings, she may just say "it's okay, forget it, maybe he is right." They are self dismissal and even could have self doubt so much so that they may no longer be able to express themselves properly again or be too afraid to express themselves.

Thought women in this century has come a long way , we still face the facts that there are certain ideologies or conditioning that can never be thoroughly changed. We still face the challenge of being underweighted by the oppression of opion, position and thoughts by the men though done deliberately or unawarely.
May it be your favorite supermarket, convenience store or even mere a mere gas station’s magazine rack  already show you that women are the frequent focus of sexual objectification. Women are more likely to be picked apart by the brain and seen as parts rather than a whole, according to research published online June 29 in the European Journal of Social Psychology. Men, on the other hand, are processed as a whole rather than the sum of their part.

The objectification of women involves the act of disregarding the personal and intellectual abilities and capabilities of a female as a human being; and reducing their worth or role in society to that of an instrument for the sexual pleasure that she can produce in the mind of another. It isn’t right to correlate biological parts to the extent of proficiency and position a woman can have in the society. Even if we may have different opinions on the extent, mentality and motive of this matter, we face the fact that women still continue to be belittled by this objectification. We see women criticized for their beauty rather than their intellect and their ideas.

Men seen to have been almost conditioned by the society to objectify women, in the media today, you see women used solely for their body parts and looks in film, magazines, and video games. Men may see most of us as just another pretty face or a something to show off to their friends like a “trophy”.(Men being naturally competitive wants the best of everything).Women are thought off as very materialistic and men think that since they are this way they can get any women they want just by giving them gifts and providing for them, since women wants to feel secure (and that means financially too).

There is a growing idea in men saying that they can survive without women. That women are there for reproduction and that’s it. Easily replaced and they come and go. I think that men are too blinded with their prides and egos to see that women do matter. I mean, is a man a man, without a wife in that society? Is a man a man, without children in that society? Women might give their gold to men, but the men need it to have the small change, because without gold, there is no small change and no money.
So without women, there will be no “real” men.

Gender, Sex and the 21st Century

Gender, what exactly does that mean and entail? For most of us gender is only known by the biological differences of a man and a woman particularly their sexual organs. What we have to see is that it is so much more than that; it’s the socially constructed idea of what it means to be a man and a woman, it refers to one’s perception and feelings regarding masculinity, femininity, and everywhere in between (and outside). This distinction is generally used to highlight the existence of disparities in how power is distributed in societies. Men are known to be those who work and interact more in the world, while women are usually those who care for the children and the household. Although now in the growing liberal world we are faced by new opportunities and ideas. A lot of men and women in the 21st century are gender non-conformist, which means, according to About.com, they do not adhere to society's rules about dress and activities for people that are based on their sex. They are people who may choose to present as neither clearly male, nor clearly female, but rather as a gender-free individual. In my class’ activity I learned more about how people (my peers and classmates) perceives the different “gender-free” individuals rather then what it really means to be one, though that was also explained by them and my professor.

Many people use the terms ‘gender’ and ‘sex’ interchangeably; it’s a little-known fact that they aren’t synonymous, I mean their meanings might as well be identical to most people. I think we can relate this to how people like uniformity and similarity and fitting in too much that when they see different and uniqueness, it is a strange idea for them to grasp on and understand. I think that it’s really unfair how people who are “gender-free” have to conform to this “straight world”. I mean we are all human beings with equal rights, one of them being the freedom of expression. I began to comprehend that a lot of people stereotype those that have a “different” gender identity from their sex and this can be very bad for the person involved. Complications can take place with the stereotyping, or gender typing of behavior for individuals with behavior related to a specific sex, when they clearly identify as a different gender based on their biological forms. This can cause people with that to have gender identity crisis and it can affect them greatly even cause them to end up doing irrational things. We have to think that they are human too and just because they do not conform to the societies need and mindset about the “proper” and “right” doesn’t mean that we do not acknowledge their existence and even interact with them. Most of us even lessen their rights and that is basically unjust and totally against the teachings of our parents and even religion. Im sure that if we just give them a chance things will just work out fine and nothing about the society will really be changed, they can even teach us new things and new perspectives about certain topics.

I have this found illustration that perfectly portrays a certain point I’d like to discuss: The difference among the words ‘woman’ and ‘man’ from ‘female’ and ‘male’. ‘Male’ and ‘female’ are vocabulary that describes one’s biological sex. However, ‘man’ and ‘woman’ describes a person’s gender identity. I think the gender of one person is actually a lateral byproduct of the sex because behavior is always an interaction of nature and nurture, socialization can really modify, sometimes very significantly, the decisions on sex differences—if we so choose. The more supplementary knowledge you get about the understanding of biological sex, gender, gender identity, and sexual orientation, the more you may understand yourself and even how you relate to other people with different gender identities. Since sex and gender are very multifaceted, you may have numerous questions. You may even doubt your own personal sexual orientation or gender identity, even begin to wonder, figure out or understand things about someone you know. You may have different inquiries and opinions about how society views sex and gender and how they actually accept the different identities and orientations that are presented to them.

I interviewed someone older than me to see how different the societal roles and perception on women then and before were. She said that women at that time were expected to be very religious, respectful, puts very high regards on their dignity, morality and self-honor. They said women before give importance to celibacy. They wanted to keep themselves for their husbands and that was very important back then. Family always came first and nothing can ever replace family, it was the most important part of their lives. For wives, they have to be very responsible at home and make good meals; most of the women at her time were good cooks. Education was also very important, to land a good job and ensure a good future family woman had to work too, they didn’t just rely on the men in the house.

 She said that right after she finished college she wanted to go to Cebu (she lived in Davao) but her parents wouldn’t allow her probably scared she will just be toyed with there and harm might cross her way but she still pursued on going there. So one day she just left with little money and clothes, when she got to Cebu everything were ok at first but then she lost her irregular jobs and she finished all her money. She called up her parents but they would help her get back to her feet wanting her to go back to Davao, but she still tried harder until she stumbled on an opportunity and then she realized that in order to help her family she should work and strive to make them have a better lifestyle. This woman I am talking about conformed to the societies needs and wants but in a kind of non conforming way, she still had her individuality and opposite opinions.

These days, we see more girls conforming to society’s wants but not its principles. More girls now-a-days conform to societies norms and definitions of beauty and desires. Women now have more voice and are now more equally seen with men. I think though that in this liberal world women’s dignity and morals are kind of (for some) thrown off the window. We see that women have come a long way from just being housewives to being a lot more than that, we are now competing in the “real” world with men and sometimes we can say that maybe we can be better than them. We now accept more liberal ideas and I think these both come with its ups and downs. More women have the “voice” and can express themselves better than before; they have more self- value and worth. Though in this generation I don’t really see that, women are kind of over-valuing themselves (some) that they actually kind of degrade other women. “Less is more” this line really represent one particular change in the society, more and more women get attention and not in a very good manner. I mean, if we acted like this back then some of us would be killed or hurt. Although now, women are more socially accepted to do manly chores and they have more freedom of choice and are given more opportunities and rights. That’s really good to hear because now we can speak up and defend ourselves without it being socially unaccepted or wrong. I think though some women abuse the right of being treated equally with men like for example they want to be treated equally but they still expect men to still treat them royally and take god care of them and pay for their dues and food, etc.

Men these days give less value to women with the thought that there are plenty out there, more and more men treat women as though they are replaceable objects. Unlike before, family was very important to both men and women, now it’s more of the fulfillment of need and desires that is valued more. Comparing these two different periods, we can say that they both have their advantages and disadvantages. I think we just have to think back and see what really is the most important things that we need and have to have, we can still change our corrupt ways.